and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there...

i'm having an incredibly reminiscent night for whatever reason. was telling sarah about good old stach, then started to remember it all...the lit club meeting at julie's...it was christmas time and i was so sick of it all and ready to get away and angry at him...i made the brownies. and W.H. Auden helped me tell him that i would love his crooked self with my crooked heart forever. i guess that's as much as any of us can ever do. i remember julie crying that night; it just never turned out like we planned. and yet...it was so wonderful, looking back. anyway, i somehow made my way to the lovett site and found that they've got this cool photo album thing now, except of course, as lovett is, they charge you something hefty for those pictures and you can't exactly copy them online. anyway, i couldn't keep myself from ordering a couple, the ones of us posing in front of the Headmaster's house at Bacchalaureate, if that's how you spell it. so i was remembering it all...making john drive, or being terrified that shiv was really going to kill us all, and going outside the perimeter and late nights in the hot tub at michelle's. haha this is kind of Random, of course, but i also have been spending a little too much time on facebook recently and discovering mr. flamingo's rather impressive photo album...he really did everything he wanted to. and he does take some darn good pictures. it reminded me how badly i want to go to italy. and, as much as it sucks, that kid will always be absolutely beautiful, even if he is getting sketchier and sketchier. don't even try to deny it. well, i know you won't deny the sketchy part. and i think i will probably still always defend him to the end, no matter what you all say. it just feels wrong otherwise. oh, memories. i remember steen singing something from even stevens or some crazy thing--about a boat, and pirates??--oh i have no clue, while we were sitting in taylor's mom's car waiting to figure out which cheesecake factory to go to and i could hardly breathe because my heart had just been broken for the first time. and it had all been going so well. it's strange, looking back at people who were older than you then but you're older now than they were then...wow, that sounded weird. but you know what i mean. hahahahaha. anyway, they're waiting for me downstairs. should probably let my reminiscing come to an end. miss you all and love you more than i can tell.