lost for you, i'm so lost for you...

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm antsy. tomorrow is the day for chris and jess--well, tomorrow and saturday--and it doesn't seem real; of COURSE it doesn't seem real. and it probably won't, for a while. and selflishly, as usual, i can only think of my own excitement in seeing Bethany and Liam and hopefully, hopefully, *hopefully* Ryan. i'm so ready for a good weekend. for whatever reason i'm just aching for us all to be together again..............and of course, we'll be together again for now, and then it will never be the same after that, not without the Whites. and I hardly feel that I have the right to talk like this when there are so many others who will be missing them on a level so much deeper than my own--my own level that isn't much more than the relatively superficial discomfort of change. so. yeah. dinner time. i'm antsy.