duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...

BATMAN. well, at least we learned today that if nothing else, he's one good looking guy.

thanks guys. it was a lovely birthday ;-) .

let's rebuild this house...

cause when it's come and gone we realize what matters anyhow. that's what sandra says anyway. and i agree. it was almost gone for a second but we got it back so it's all good. see, now this is what listening to disney songs does to me, even if i am half asleep. now i'm lolly-gagging!! don't you get it? ok so maybe i lied twice today. first i was trying to be strong, then i was trying to be nice. i'm sorry guys, i really don't know how that happened. i guess i've just been talking too much. now i just got myself in a whole load of trouble and am terrified of what will show up next on fred's xanga. i mean, it could be ANYTHING. really guys, just some advice: don't ever say anything funny, because if you do, who knows WHERE it will end up next. hey so guess what guys??? tomorrow=my one week birthday anniversary=BATMAN!!! duh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh-nuh BATMAN. just like that. so i was gonna say something about traitors, and then i realized that we've got several different forms of traitors around here. first there's The Slacker, who just decided to full out QUIT this week while everybody KNOWS i'm working my BUTT off here...i mean, he takes another job, what is that?? and he still thinks he can go to the movie. then there's my Conscience, who must've let too much of that california sun get to him and completely forgot his job description, cause he just...i mean, i don't even KNOW what happened there. alright. sorry guys, you can say all you want, but i'm skipping breakfast in the morning. hey look guys, i learned a new trick: <3

you came along and you cut me loose...

not to be read into, of course. i'm home for the night and going to some amazing italian restaurant that i haven't been to but am excited about with sam and ren...kind of rediculously excited to see them, actually. and now that's all i can think about. oh yes, and then i'm being wisked (or is it whisked? or is that like whisking eggs, or whiskers? i don't know) away to grayton and the clear blue water and the white sand for a week....a week away from my conscience and 31 and 31 1/2 and--well we can just call that other one The Slacker--should be interesting. oh well, my conscience seemed to be somewhat losing his own mind so maybe it'll be a good thing. man, i really planned on telling the funkarama story at some point--it seems appropriate to share with the whole world--but i guess it will have to wait; can't be late for my girlies. well, i could...and that would be normal...but i should be nice. being nice can be good sometimes. you know. 23 and 31. hint hint, nudge nudge. alright, i love you all more than you could ever know. and remember, i can understand the rest, but batman's off limits. heart.

across the gypsy flat road...

back in town and feelin' good. quick trip to chicago was fun; i love sara and emily so much; they are the sisters i always wanted and never had. no matter how much time it's been we fall back into our closeness in about two minutes and it's such a good feeling to just bask in the comfort of eachother. i've got another fun-filled week of work ahead and then off to grayton for a week, which will be amazing and beautiful and i can't wait. in the meantime, i'm here, workin' hard like you know it, enjoying lovely gambier and trying to make something of myself and maybe figure a little more out as time keeps ticking and dad's words weigh on my mind. not a bad thing, just a realization that fun is good but awareness also has it's place, and i must be aware and watchful of that plan that is played out through every day i am given. love, love, love guys.

if i don't listen to the talk of the town then maybe i can fool myself...

but at this point i'm kind of sick of doing that. i'm fighting a losing battle, and it hardly seems to matter if i win or not anymore. today was a good day...a little more came out into the open. you know, i'm not one of those who can easily hide, and it's really not fun for me to try...oh by the way, sam and linds, sorry, that was a literature reference from yesterday's and nobody understands that part of the book anyway. so, point is, i'm tired of deluding myself into thinking that maybe i'm doing the wrong thing, because that will only hurt me. i have to trust that what is, is, and it's a good and purposeful thing. today was a good day: good conversations with Fred and Sarah, good shift (got to check out my new room for next year and it's bigger than i thought it would be), good cookies and ice cream, good game of Smear (Josh and I killed 'em). And at the end of the day, the fog is clearing and simplicity is exciting to me for a change. Of course, I don't usually let it stick around too long but for now, it's good. Anguish is not worth all my time. Love to all.

truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart no matter how hard you resist it...

the secrets of my paternity--deeper and darker and filled with more implication than i'd like to own up to--but what's a girl to do? exhausted at 11 PM, that's a new one for me. and hoping that i remember not to forget myself. jeff, i could sure use that supposed gift of subtlety right about now. where did it go? well, i'm off on a search for it. love to all.

i wanna take you for granted...

it's been 12 hours. and how long has it ever taken me to get obsessed with anything? i don't find it necessary to answer that question. So current concerns are possibly freaky ex-girlfriends--hope that doesn't become an issue. As skilled as i am at hiding it, i really don't go for drama, and i really don't go for unnecessary pain on the part of anyone else, let alone myself. i know you can't ever satisfy everyone, but why do you have to cause pain? ok this is getting dangerously close to breaking my only shit rule. so would be bringing up ryan's question to me last night--what's the difference between taking God for granted and taking something less than God for granted?--so i won't. i did some more breaking in of the new shoes today sammy. and i know those pink ones are just turning you into a speed demon. ren, i hope you're maintaining sanity. off to see the wizard--or actually the pistons (not that i knokw much about either)--at snowden with sarah and josh. will no doubt gorge on more disgusting food for the rest of the night; mom's total Whole Foods no-cholesterol diet is being more than made up for. yes. love to you all.

and everybody feels like they're the only one who can't sleep at night...

what a wise molly venter. hadley should appreciate that title...she's probably the only one. can i ask why i'm doing this again? a conversation with two of my favorite boys from quite some time ago comes to mind--that was back when i still cared about making a good impression. i was trying to ensure the fact that never would i ever conform to online journals because why in the world would i want the whole world to know about my life? that makes everything so ridiculously unmysterious--i mean, c'mon, what is life without a little mystery? so i want to make it perfectly clear that i'm doing this for only two reasons: a) to humor my wonderful ATL friends and b) for times like these--which are hopefully very few and far between--when i have absolutely nothing else to do. i intend to make them completely full of nothing more than shit and that's it. so now that we've got that covered...yeah it's definitely 7:05 in the morning. I woke up to my growling stomach, half eating itself, in a ridiculously sticky hot room with very little airflow despite the open windows that only let in the sound of the trucks barreling obnoxiously down the road. it's supposed to be peaceful and quiet and serene here in gambier, and then they have to come ruin it all at 6:30 AM. and why do i have this chronic hunger issue?? alright, despite the total lack of improvement on all three of these conditions since 6:30, i think i am going to attempt to get 30 more minutes of sleep before i have to go take that driving test. wish me luck.
in no way proud of myself right now but loving you all as much as ever,
Liv